Thursday, August 03, 2006

Amazing Lace Challenge #5: Where's Waldo?

Apologies in advance for the totally whacked-out post (I think the heat is getting to me)--but now . . .

Kermit the Frog here, reporting live for Sesame Street news. It's been a while, but our viewers have been asking for updates about the progress of Norah and Anne's Amazing Lace odyssey. Inquiring minds want to know--are the teammates still at each other's throats? Has Norah made it past the fourth pattern repeat? Is she prancing around Boston wearing nothing but her half-completed shawl in a demented attempt to overcome the latest heat wave? Let's check in and find out, shall we?

Kermit: Wait a second. I've just been handed a news bulletin. Norah and Anne have entered counseling to try to overcome their creative differences, and they've asked for some time away from overwhelming media pressures while they heal their rifts. Well, we here at Sesame Street News are nothing if not sensitive, so we'll try to respect their privacy. Here's hoping they are soon on the road to reconciliation. In the meantime, Norah sent along a suggestion that we travel back in time to see for ourselves the history (or should I say prehistory) of lace knitting. Okey-dokey, let's hop in the Wayback Machine and see what we shall see!

[flashing lights; sounds of whooshing, clanking, buzzing, and beeping]

Kermit: Whoa, that was a trip! And what have we here?

[in a hushed voice, reminiscent of Marty Stouffer on PBS's Wild America] Here we see a primitive prehistoric woman (whose hair is nevertheless perfectly coiffed and an unnatural shade of blonde) using her lace knitting to ensnare a vicious woolly mammoth. She will undoubtedly use the mammoth's meat to feed her family, its fur to clothe her family (although it appears she is already wearing a lovely blue ensemble made of some synthetic material), and its tusks to fashion additional knitting needles for herself.

And there we have it, folks--incontrovertible proof that as recently as the Ice Age, lace knitting actually served a practical--nay, essential--function! In fact, couldn't it be argued that lace knitting was actually responsible for the survival of the human species? Oh, man, this is so awesome. I need to snap some more pictures (too bad these prehistoric digital cameras are so crummy)--do I smell Pulitzer? This could be my big break--goodbye, Sesame Street News, hello 20/20! Watch your back, John Stossel, here comes Kermie![maniacal laughter]

Editorial note from Norah: Following this report, Kermit was rushed back to present-day Sesame Street, where he is now convalescing at the Sesame Street Hospital. As he recovers from his delusions of grandeur, he's sharing a hospital room with Cookie Monster, who's seeking treatment for an eating disorder. Let's hope they're both feeling better soon.


Blogger Theresa said...

Cute! It's like a diorama (how do you spell that?).

7:39 PM  
Blogger DianeM said...

*holds sides laughing* Well done :-D

6:32 AM  

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